I am one lucky little bitch.

I had a near-death experience yesterday.

... ok so actually it was more an experience that caused me to flash forward in time to visualize that my next near-death experience would be at the hands of my boss... both of which would be wrapped around my neck in a death grip borne from panic.

But still. I wanted to die. It all started out innocently enough. I was at my desk plodding away at work and minding my own business. I reached over and picked up my water bottle to have a drink..

... and right after I took a sip I had a case of uber-dropsy.

I spilled the bottle of water right on top of my laptop's keyboard.

"FFFFUUUUDDDDGGGGEEEE!!!" *censored*

I flipped the laptop over, turned it off, ripped out the power cord and battery, and popped off all the keys off the keyboard to get the water out.

It was only while staring down at the backside of my work computer lying flat facedown with water bubbling off the edge of the desk that I started wondering what the hell I was going to do.

ah, timing.... My phone rings. It's my boss, wondering if I've gotten the imports uploaded yet....

*my high-pitched everything-is-fine voice* "Yep, almost ready to submit it, I just need to verify a few of these Area Manager assignments first..."

I had to have 98 new Kmart and Sears locations imported by the end of the day. CRAP.

Behold, my tiddlywinks:

As luck would have it, we'd just received a laptop via fedex from an employee on the East Coast that we'd just fired. *gasp* Could it be? The same model laptop? YESSSSSS!!!

Out came the hard drive from my wet laptop, and into the new arrival it went. Stroke of Luck #2: All of the changes I'd made to my database were still there, thanks to Autosave!

The wet laptop is still in pieces on top of my shelf, slowly drying. Tomorrow I'll replace the keys (the plastic mechanics behind them are amazing - and annoying as hell without tweezers) and the other hard drive. Maybe Friday I'll see if it turns on.... or perhaps I should wait until Monday just to be SURE.

Note to self: Laptops cannot swim. Do not depend on them to save you during flash floods.

48 hours later....

While walking outside to take a break with a coworker, I noticed a red car parked nearby and a blonde head popping up from behind the open trunk. It's D, our computer technician and networking manager. Uh oh...
What is SHE doing here??

My mind flashes back to the still disassembled laptop drying upside down next to my desk, every back panel taken off and all of the keyboard keys still in a baggie.....

CRAP! Hmm.. maybe she won't go into my office area....

After the break I venture back into the building. Ah, so far so good... the coast is clear! I round the corner to my desk area and suddenly here comes D out of NOWHERE.

D: "Hey E, do you happen to know if there are any laptops returned to us from some of the field personnel that were termina--...."
.....

Her voice trails off as she spies the laptop lying flat on top of the boxes, bottom end facing up, with all of the panels removed... I'm pretty sure at that point if I had told her the truth I probably would have witnessed the world's first network-manager-to-enraged-Gorgon transformation.

She hadn't seen that the keyboard keys were missing.. thank GOD... My mind was racing faster than a pimped out street car pumped full of NOS and my heart was making a game attempt at keeping up with it....

D: "What happened...?"

Me: "Oh, that? I swapped out the hard drives.. Ron's laptop looked newer, and you know how much I like new-looking equipment! I know, silly me..."

I am SO going to Hell....

D: "Um.. ok... *eyebrow raised*... well I came by today to do some work and to pick up the extra laptops. I guess we have a few new people who need them."

SHIZNAT.

Me: "Sweet. No problem! I'll put the panels back on right after I return this phone call I missed from one of the Zone Managers and I'll come find you in the other building. Fifteen minutes or so sound ok?"

D: "Sure." Great.

One problem: The laptop has been drying since Monday, and I haven't even ATTEMPTED to turn it on. I have NO clue at this point if it works.

D walks out of the office.

**Begin Mission Impossible: 4..........

I wait until she's gone, and I immediately clear off my desk, lay the laptop on it, and dump out the baggie of keyboard keys and plastic components. One by one, I start popping the keys back on, sometimes resorting to the mini-screwdrivers to help me align and connect the plastic components that go underneath each individual key. My hands were shaking as I raced to get them all installed in the proper spots.

Hmm... wouldn't it be funny if I accidentally swapped a few keys so that whenever someone typed an "F" key it would type the "J"? Heh heh....

But not today. Today is all about covering my ass and no one knowing any differently but me, my office coworkers, and my readers.

Fast forward 8 minutes. All the keys are in place. I flip the laptop over and insert the hard drive I'd swapped out to put mine in the dry laptop. After that, all of the panels were in place.

10 minutes have gone by. I put the battery back in. It's the moment of truth.
I take a deep breath and tell my coworker, "Ok, here we go... cross your fingers for me!"

I push the power button.

And the mother#*!@& turns on. I test all of the keyboard keys, and they all work!

IT'S A MIRACLE!!! *E does the happy dance*

15 minutes, and the laptop is in the bag, with D.

Whether all of the other things, like USB, VGA, and the DVD drive works? I guess we'll leave that to chance ... Oops!