With the accidentally impeccable timing that only a 4-year-old can muster, a little boy managed to ignite my emotions only moments before it was my turn to go on the dance floor and compete this weekend.

I guess “Daddy” forgot to mention that he was the one who told me to go screw myself and to not talk to him ever again.

I’m tired of settling for friends who aren’t really interested in being friends. It is an oxymoron that has become a rampant reality. Instant Messaging has given birth to not only the social networking phenomenon but also has deceptively redefined the meaning of personal relationships. Everywhere are people aiming to break some insane record of trivial superficiality.

I’m tired of the social game. Who likes to be crapped on? Maybe I am just too gullible and thought I was dealing with a true friend when I was really dealing with a fake friend – and I let it hurt me. A lot.

When you’re single, the next closest people to you are your friends. So they become those that break your heart the most. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Am I looking for something that doesn’t exist anymore? Quality friendships?

What was I supposed to say? “Because your daddy is a shallow jerk?”

I swallowed some pride and fought the pressure building in my throat as I looked down into the fathomless big eyes of a little boy who possessed the naïveté of one who doesn’t know very much about the world yet, but knows enough about people to know that something is wrong:

...“I don’t know, sweetie.”

I'm 26 years old and relatively fit. I eat healthy. I've always eaten healthy and lived a healthy lifestyle. So why, upon visiting the doctor for a consultation regarding a separate issue, was my doctor surprised to discover that my blood pressure was abnormally high? It was something over 90... and for someone who has always low blood pressure with diastolic readings in the 60's... that is just plain b-a-d.

Question: Why does E have high BP?
Answer: Work. Life. Everything in between. Translation: STRESS.

I wake frequently at night to the sound of my own heart beating a mile a minute (when instead it should be beating nice and slow, since I'm "sleeping" and all). My brain finds it all too easy to derail its train of thought during the day and spazz out in a fizzling, sputtering blaze of braindead glory. I escape from the office at the end of the day and find my desires point to nothing other than the simple satisfaction of crawling under the covers to blot out the light of day and go to sleep. Before 6pm. Isn't that something that only old people do? Maybe I'm getting old.

Or maybe I just need a new job.

In other news:

Keith Richards snorts dead people's ashes. That's right. "I see dead people" was so 8 years ago. "I snort dead people" is the latest in one-liner trendage. He claims it was an April Fool's joke. Riiiiggghhht.. he just doesn't want to admit that his own ashes would be 99.997% drug paraphenilia right out of the cremator.

Alanis Morisette has a sense of humor. Or is it that her Humps have a sense of humor? You decide. Fergalicious can eat her heart out.

And finally, a Chicago resident SUES a man for what her lawyer calls "negligent dancing." Crazy swing dancers anyhow.